Be Healthier, Wealthier, and Happier

From time to time, there is this pit in the stomach type of feeling that seems to be reminding us that we are in danger, something “bad” is going to happen to us, or a sick feeling that we are being “attacked”, “looked down on”, “laugh at”,….It seems that everything directing at us are negatives, criticisms, chipping away any sense of our own worthiness.  We get sad, we get afraid, we get angry and we want to fight back and really give it to those who put these feelings upon us.  How dare they?!!! They are our enemies and we must destroy them.  Right now! 

Does this sound familiar?  The fights we end up having with our loving one, the one we care; at that moment they don’t seems like our love one; they are our enemies and they must be DESTROYED.  Well, most often, we don’t mean destroyed physically (although, in some case it seems to go that extreme), but we will muster all of our know-how to destroy their self-esteem, their accomplishments, their sense of well being and worthiness just like how they appear to be doing it to us.

So, what doe these sounds like?  People at war!  Yes, it all starts from that tingly feeling of insecurity and inferiority we felt about ourselves well within inside of us.  As people, we go to war with people around us base on it.  As a nation, we go to war with other nations base on it. 

That appear seemly innocent seeds of insecurities and lack of confidences really are not as innocent as we make them out to be.  From insecurity, people become jealous of others.  From insecurity, people become paranoid of everything that is said to them. From insecurity, people become envious of others and dissatisfied with what they have.  Insecurity in reality is a powerful destructing energy that disguises itself as a weak, powerless, victim like character.  It gave us righteous reasons to do what we do and say what we say even though for the most part it served only to destroy rather than to heal; it serves to break people apart rather than unite.   The world is where it is because of this collective insecure energy within us.  Inside of these insecurities, everything that is said and done is interpreted as bad and/or insincere.  Inside these insecurities, every neutral intentions and well attempts gets interpreted as conspiracies to destroy.  There are no trust, no hope, no love; just measures and counter measures; the sign of struggling and surviving; not living.

When the moment of our live turn dark and despair,  rather than lashing out and defend, perhaps it’s better to remind ourselves to take a deep breath and check-in to see whether it’s our own demon called Insecurity that is nudging us to do a  foolish thing and say something destructive that we are destine to regret.  It is good to be reminded that our loves one are not our enemies, so stop treating them like one.  The feeling of insecurity comes from within us and NOT from them.  It’s up to us to learn to let go of our own insecurities and embrace our own worthiness day by day and minutes by minutes.  We need to always ask ourselves this question:  If the other person truly having such an ill intention toward us, having such a low opinion of us and/or is as bad of a person as we said they are, then why do we still hang around with them?!!!  What story are we perpetuating here?  If they are truly bad, it is time for us to leave; that would be the courageous thing that we must do to support our own well being.   If they are not truly as bad as we said though, then why are we not protecting, respecting, cherishing and loving them?  What permission are we giving ourselves that we truly have no rights of in ways of how we treat another person?

As a human, we are not mean to be perfect; however, as a human we have infinite capacities to reconcile and bring more lights into our lives and other’s lives.  It all starts from the awareness that our insecurities kills.  It is our responsibilities and NOT other’s responsibility to manage our own demon within moments by moments.  While being a human, we will feel insecure.  It is like weathers, we will get showered on from time to time.  Like dealing with weather, aside from acknowledging and accepting this humanness within us, there is NOTHING we need to do with this insecurity.  

It is amazing to realize that when we stop feeding our own insecurity by acting out from it and respond or react to it in anyways, it stop dominates our live.  Insecurity comes and insecurity goes, before we know it, our focus shifted, our energies changed.  We are no longer so addicted to the dramas that generated from insecurities, instead we have more room to experiment, play and engage with our live.  We no longer need to worry about what other people think, do or said as much.   People are going to think, do or said what they are going to think, do or said.  It really doesn’t impact us until we let it impacts us.   While as a human, it’s difficult to not allow anything to impact us, but even if we only raise our own awareness by 1 % and choose to be secure in the face of our tendency to be insecure just one more time than before, collectively we would have changed the landscape of our life and our environment drastically for the better.  So, is it going to be war or peace?  We choose.

Lately, I am experiencing a lot of tensed relationships around me.  I often wondered how a relationship ends up where they are now.  I am certain that people didn’t decide to marry someone so they can torture each other, tear each other down, criticizes each other and destroying each other’s self esteem.  However, it seems that very often that’s how a marriage ended up.  It’s no wondering that comedian Dave Spade equated marriage like going through the Japanese game show “Wipe out”. Once a while we see one person flying through the obstacle course with ease and grace; most often though, no matter how one tries, we see one quick wipe out after another.

So what are we doing in a relationship that seems to aggravate more than nurturing? What are we not seeing what we are doing that’s causing such turmoil in our live and the live of the one we claimed we love so much that we married?

I just read a book called “The path of least resistance – Learning to become the creative force in your own life” by Robert Fritz.  It got me asking: humm, are we problem solving our relationship or are we creating our relationship?  What’s the difference anyway? 

While the book started kind of slow and the book seem to end on a tangent, I really appreciated how the author clearly distinguishes the difference between creating and problem solving.  He pointed out the importance of having a clear understanding of knowing whether we approach live predominately with problem solving orientation vs. creative orientation.  He further pointed out the pitfalls of mistaking problem solving for creating. 

For most of us, we choose to be in a relationship and we choose to be married.  We choose the person we are in relationship and we choose who we would marry.  In essence, we created our relationship and we created our marriage.  I love what Robert Fritz said about creation.  “The only reason you would create anything is because you LOVE IT ENOUGH to see it exist! “  For any other reasons, we are merely problem solving.  So, if we really sit down, thinking about and reflect, maybe when we thought we “chose” and “created”, we actually went into a relationship or married someone to solve a problem?!!! Perhaps, it’s is our lack of understanding of the difference between creating and problem solving that is tripping us up in life and in relationships?

Moreover, we may have further our own demise when we confusing our wants from our needs.  It is most certain at least for most of us in a free society that relationship and marriage are like a piece of timeless art or music, we really DON’T need to be in a relationship nor be in a marriage to survive. We created our relationship and our marriage just like artists created their art and the composers created their music because we love it enough to see it exist and the creations enriches our lives immensely beyond our basic needs. 

When we hold on, going into a relationship or staying in a marriage with the mistaken notions that we need it, or we are obligated in some way, we essentially killed our possibility to create in these realms; instead we committed our relationship and marriage to endless problem solving and surviving.  If we found our relationship and marriage end up to be merely an exercise of problem solving and surviving rather then endless opportunities to create, perhaps it’s a clear signal for us to stop what we are doing and considered that we may have went off the road and miss the point somewhere.  Rather than continue to slug it out in miseries or just give up, maybe we need to seriously reflecting on where we went off course in the first place?

What I love about learning the realm of creation is that from time to time when a successful artist realized what they are working on clearly won’t fulfill their vision, rather than keep trying to fix what’s clearly not working, they have the freedom to throw away what is not working for them and start over with a blank new canvas.  The vision didn’t change but the approach maybe drastically different.   In the realm of creating a fulfilling relationship and marriage, the opportunity is also there to wipe the slate clean and start over with the same person (the same vision).  However, this is only possible when we clearly know what we want, clearly choose what we want, be willing to be brutally honest with ourselves on our current state of affair so we know how far we are from our vision and where we went off course, dump all of our old resentments and baggage and start over again. 

I am not saying wiping the slate clean and start over is easy to do; I wouldn’t say that it is too hard either.  It’s not easy because it takes courage to face our reality (what it’s so) without pointing finger at anyone or anything.  It’s also not easy because in order for us to face our reality clearly without dramatic smoke screens, we need to train ourselves to let go of our precious ego (or false pride) continuously.  On the other hand, it is not that hard either because when one got clear of what is truly more important to them in their life (creating a fulfilling and peaceful relationship or creating countless trophies that show everyone that “See, I’m right! She’s an irresponsible bitch!” or “See, I’m right! He’s a big ass, no good jerk!”), the mind can switch in a second and actions follows it can changes drastically.  I know it’s possibly because I’ve seen it done over and over by people who found clarity on issues that have troubled them for whole life.  I’ve seen people change their life course just like that; in a second; with clarity!

From reading Robert Fritz’s book, I have a renew hope.  It is possible for all of us to create a great and fulfilling relationship that enriches our life more than torturing our live.  For those who may be struggling, confused, resigned and angry with their current state of affair in their relationship and in their marriage, perhaps it is time to revisit every choices they have made along the way; even the original decision to get into the relationship or the marriage in the first place.  The opportunity to wipe everything clean starts with revisiting these choices and re-choosing them separately and together as a team.  All is well even if upon revisiting that you found the original choice and decision was a mistake; if you had to do it all over again, you would not choose each other.  All is well because this time around, regardless whether you choose to stay or go, you would choose and take a stand for your life out of clarity and nothing else.  If you stay, the team you created with each other would be a totally different team than you created out of a totally different reason.  This time, you will give your relationship and marriage an honest chance because it will come from a place where you brought to existance only because both of you love it enough to see it exist and live on.

What  is it that makes us create such asses of ourselves when what we really want is to be champions?  What within us causes that wrong turn, leading us to become idiots instead of the heroes we strive to be?  Well, in my case, pride.

Once again, I find myself recovering from a stumble.  No, not a stumble, an outright face-first fall.  I let my pride get in the way of my responsibility to my best friend.  There’s no excuse for it, plainly.  You’d have thought by now, I’d have learned that needing to be right is no substitute for actually being right.  Hurting someone I am supposed to protect is my prize for standing by my failed reasoning.

The truth is that she is the real hero and I’ve known that since we first met.  She has endured so much from me and I honestly don’t know how or why she does.  I thank God for her, but still I fail to take every opportunity to treat her like the wonderful, powerful treasure she is.

I ask her to forgive me for being an ass and an idiot and a fool.  I can’t promise I won’t ever be these things again, but I can promise to learn to kick myself when I am.

Hi Fred,

It was great catching up with you yesterday.  I am very excited to hear that you are in a reflect-growth cycle of your life. 

Every situation came into our life to provide an opportunity for us to learn something about ourselves and facilitate our growth;life has a funny way of keep repeating it selves until we learn the lesson it is intended.  So, from that perspective there are no victims and all is well.

I considered the following courses in Great Life Foundation and Landmark Education gems; I think they will truly propel you into gaining even deeper clarity of who you really are and how you want your life to turn out. GLF’s courses are priced comparable to Landmark curriculum, but it requires you to fly to Salt lake city, Utah;  Landmark Education’s Wisdom course is a year-long course that open only once a year and it’s pricier.  Both serves great purpose to open very important aspects of your life up and they truly complements each other very well.

Through out the years, I have recommended these courses to many people that I really care.  Most of them choose to honor their “reasons”, staying in their comfort zone, and keep complaining their life don’t work the way they like to.  In some way, I begin to understand that for many people,  living a ”familiar” life is actually more important to them than living a “great” life.  There is nothing wrong with choosing either one; the only misery really comes from one’s lack of clarity of what they really want and live a life pretending they want a great life but in reality they really just want a familiar life.

Anyway, there is a price to be pay for anything in life.  My recommendations will neither be convenient, nor comfortable and it definitely take some time, money and commitment, but if you truly believe that you are worthy of having a great life for the rest of your life, NOTHING should stop you from taking the necessary actions right now to help you get there.   The question is really are you willing to do whatever it takes to create a great life for yourselves? For most of us, this journey starts with discovering: what is a great life look like anyway?!!!   If the answer is yes to whatever it takes, then the choice of what you need to do next should be clear. 

Following is the website to the Great Life Foundation:

www.thegreatlifefoundation.org

I highly recommend their part 1 (Awakening) and part 2 (The Brilliance within); part 3 to me is optional

Following is the website to Landmark Education’s wisdom course:

http://www.landmarkeducation.com/landmark_wisdom_unlimited.jsp

Finally, another course worth a honorable mention is Landmark Eucation’s Self-expression and Leadership course.  This course is especially challenging for all my Chinese friends (including myself) because of our culture and upbringing. But, if you are willing to stick with it and repeat it by coaching it, something truly opens up :-)  So, this would be another course I recommend you get back around taking it after the GLF and Wisdom courses.  But, the GLF course and the Wisdom course are truly important and valuable tools that will help us get deep at healing our self-worth issue and gain clarity within. So, I would highly recommend you take them prompto.

I’m truly excited and really looking forward to seeing your taking yourself to another level in life.  Please let me know when you signed up for these courses, so my fiancé and I can support you.  (My fiancé Robert for GLF courses).

Take Care,

Alice

Below is the link to a wonderful write up about the great insights from Gandhi’s top 10 fundamentals for changing the world.  Incredible wisdom;  definitely worth reading and reminding ourselves to follow Gandhi’s lead to a much more empowered life!  Enjoy the reading!

 http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/05/09/gandhis-top-10-fundamentals-for-changing-the-world/???????????? ??? ????

I got the information below from a friend.  What a great idea!  I thought rather than just using the jestures to show gratitude to those hard working military personnels, why not extending to everyone you meet that you like to say thanks but felt too awkward (especially those that are close to you? ;-))?  Our world can really use some good vibes all around. 
Here it goes:

Have you ever seen one of our military walking past you and wanted to convey free us cellular audiovox ringtones | polyphonic ringtones for sony ericsson | free ringtones sent to your phone | cingular wireless ringtones | free sprint cell phone ringtones | yahoo ringtones free download | download free mobile ringtones virgin | cheap mobile ringtones virgin | download free ringtones to cellular phone | download free ringtones | ericsson polyphonic ringtones sony | free funny voice ringtones | cingular free go phone ringtones | c139 free motorola ringtones | free cingular music ringtones | polyphonic ringtones | cricket ringtones | crazy download free frog ringtones | music real ringtones | cingular download free ringtones | to them your thanks, but weren’t sure how or it felt awkward?Recently, a gentleman from Seattle created a gesture which could be used and has started a massive movement to get the word out. Please everybody take just a moment to watch…. The Gratitude Campaign …and then forward it to your friends!
http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/shortmovie.php

Dear Friends,

I got this e-mail from my buddy in Salt Lake City.  Before this email, I have no clue who Randy Pausch was; fortunately I took his suggestion and watched the ABC Prime Time interview. He is a Carnegie Mellon University computer science Professor who created Electronic Art Center in the University which become the gold standard for all electronic art industry.  You can watch the video below to get details on his bio.  FYI, he is 46 years old I think.

After watching the interview, I realized what make Randy truly special is not just his contribution to the computer science field, but most importantly his perspective on life and how he lives his life.  What an incredible person, what an inspiring story, what a power message and what an enlightened teacher!  Indeed, as my buddy Dave said “There are lessons to be learned for all of us!”  I remember a mentor told me once: “When the student is ready, a teacher will show up to guide the way”.  So are you ready to receive this message, to learn from him and apply what you learned from him in your life RIGHT NOW?  While we may never have a chance to hear his lecture live (because he is dying), thanks to internet, we can still learn from him, spread his messages, and past on his loving legacy.  

For those of you who missed the Prime Time Interview,  I went on the internet and found this link:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/LastLecture/  I hope ABC will maintain this link for a while.

For those of you who want to see the full version of “Last Lecture” (and that’s me for sure) here is the link:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5700431505846055184

PLEASE FIND A QUIET PLACE AND TIME TO WATCH IT AND SHARE IT!  (note: you may need to cut and paste the link onto your browser instead of clicking it directly)

Hint:  If you’ve gone through it and you find yourself said “I already know this, I already know that…”  then you probably “missed” something :-)  Knowing is one thing, getting and living it is another :-)  Knowledge is only an amusement and sometimes be used to brag and stroke our ego, it serves very little.  On the other hand getting it and living it,  wow! that’s powerful!  So, don’t shortchange yourself!

Love,

Alice

From: Dave Kimball

Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 12:37 PM
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Subject: DON’T MISS THIS!!!

To My Friends:

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!  Whether I have known you for years, or for just a short time, I am so GRATEFUL for the many friends I have!  THANK YOU!!!  Truly, I feel Blessed!  As many of you know, 9 years ago, My Life changed forever!  Since then, I have had a different view of Life!  I have attempted to live My Life differently!  Recently, I learned of a Gentleman named Randy Pausch!  Nothing represents or embodies my view-The way I would like to live, My Life, more than Randy Pausch!  He gave a lecture titled his “Last Lecture”!  Tonight, Wednesday April 9th, Primetime with Diane Sawyer interviews him at 9:00 pm on ABC.  He has such a BEAUTIFUL SOUL!  There are Lessons to be learned for all of us!  I would like to share this with you!  And, I would strongly encourage you to watch this Special!  Don’t miss it!  TIVO or Record, if you need to!  Thank You for being you!!!  LIFE ROCKS!!!  Thank you, for showing up in My Life, with all your Greatness!

Love and Blessings  ~Dave

Do you often wake up with stiff neck and shoulder, lower back pain, numbed arm and/or legs?  Lately, I have a few such episodes of discomfort.  It prompts me to do some research and revisit my sleeping and sitting postures.  I thought I share my findings with you.

It appears that most of us (at least me) are not using the pillow properly.  I thought the pillow was mainly to support my head; but in reality, it should be supporting my neck!  Also, to ensure my lower back gets proper rest, I am suppose to have a small pillow under my knees.  Wow, I had no idea!  I guess I really have been ignoring and not give proper support in maintaining the natural curvatures on my neck and my lower spine.  I’m really feeling it now.

Below are some links with pictures in it that I found that might give you a better sense of what I am talking about.

http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/0300/0359.asp?index=4485

http://www.riverside-online.com/health_reference/Brain-Spine-Stroke/LB00003_D.cfm

http://www.pthands-on.com/posture.html

Well, I am no doctor or anything; this is purely base on my own experience that I like to share with you. So, take it for whatever it is worth and definitely check with your doctor first.

Even though supposedly I lived in the “warmer” side of the country –California, I always dread the winter season because it seems that every season for one reason or another, I bound to get the cold or the flu of the season (last year, I decided to start taking flu shot, but this year they ran out in my area) .  The problem is while most people can seem to get over their cold or flu in a week or so, my symptoms would last at least 3 weeks to over 1 month!  I felt miserable the whole time.

In the past few years, I’ve been told that taking vitamin-C will really help.  So, I started my extra vitamin-C in the winter season; it helps, but on the occasion that I sill get the cold or flu, continue taking vitamin-C seems to have minimum effect in helping me shorten the cold or flu’s duration.

This year, I got a tip from a friend telling me that actually zinc is most needed and it will really help; so I decided to give it a try.  This time, I take both vitamin-C and Zinc.  Surprisingly, yes, I did feel much better and I got over my cold and flu much faster! (Yes, unfortunately, I got both the flu and the cold this year L).   It’s worth pointing out that I didn’t take any over the counter medicine at all; just vitamin c and Zinc!  I got over my last cold in less than a week!  Wow, this has never happen to me before; that why I recommend you to give zinc a shot. By the way, I took the time to read more upon zinc on the internet.  The consensus is that when we have a cold, our zinc level seems to get depleted quicker. Since zinc is really necessary to boost your immune system, taking zinc supplement is definitely recommended.  However, we do have to be careful on not having too much zinc in our body.  So, my strategy is taking 1 tablet a day only while I am sick, but never while I am health.  So far so good…

As I was driving home, it dawns on me all of the sudden the magnitude of what a marriage vow is all about!  I got that marriage vow is really an ultimate expression to the other person promising that they can count on you for the rest of your life.  Yet looking at the reality, listening to my friends’ complaining about the little things that their husband repeatedly promised and didn’t do and my own frustration of dealing with incidents of broken promises but fill with justifications with my boyfriend, I can see how a otherwise great marriage or a great relationship can and do deteriorate overtime right in front of our eyes by these appearing inconsequential and innocent broken promises!  Each broken promises no matter how small it appears done repeatedly, just reinforce the message that “Na, I’m kidding, you can’t really count on me, you shouldn’t count on me and how dare of you counting on me!”.

The worst part is talking to couples years later, they often speaking of falling out of love with such confusion and mystery.  Yet, I see no mystery anymore.  When one person finally decided they can’t  and won’t count on the other person to do what they say they are going to do ever again and start seeking other solutions, over time, the connection is broken and when couples continues to ignores it and not working to restore the integrity behind each words said, the game will be over.

Yes, when a promise is broken in a marriage or your relationship, you often expect the other to “understand”; you get upset with your better half for not being a considerate partner.  Yet, the funny thing is that the same you would not dare to repeatedly breaking your promises at work; the consequence for doing that at work is clear; if you break your promises at work to someone important in the company often enough, you are guarantee to be out of work soon.  However, most people often fail to realize that keeping a marriage or a great relationship is no different than keeping your job!  If you fail to keep your promises and do what you said you will do often enough, you lose your credibility, your trustworthiness the same way;  you may not lose your marriage or your relationship, but you are guarantee to have a rocky marriage or relationship that fill with irritation, distrust, argument and coldness.   So, if your marriage or your relationship is really as important to you as your work, why is it OK for you to not be as diligent with you words in your relationship as you do at your work?  Think about it, Women maybe from Venus and Men maybe from Mars, but the basis for a great relationship is really no rocket science!