Be Healthier, Wealthier, and Happier

I can no longer imagine a life without Thanksgiving.  It seems like this is the one day that still reminds us to be grateful, to be appreciative of what has been given to us and to encourage the spirit of sharing; no huge religious connotation; just a pure human-to-human love and appreciation.  I love this holiday more than any other holiday I can think of.  This is the holiday that gets my heart pumping looking forward to meeting my relatives and getting a wild feast.  It reminds me to appreciate the life that I got (the whole package the good, bad and ugly), and be grateful that I am surround by people who have a lot of love for me.   I have to admit that it didn’t use to be that way.

When I was in “survival” mode, I could of careless about Thanksgiving.  Every time when I thought of my relatives, it reminded me of what they didn’t do for me and what wrong they have done on me.  Who want to spend holiday with them anyway.   I used to attend family get together out of obligation.  The thought of it was painful!

So, what changed me?  I guess through out my years of personal development, I finally figure out what forgiveness is all about.  THAT was a hard one for me to learn.   I was a stubborn one and not the fastest learner J  yet when there is will there is way, 20 years later and I lost count of how many personal development courses I took later, my light bulb on this finally came on.   I finally let go of my hate.  Whatever the hate and grudge I hold on to, from 2 year old to 10 year old to 40 year old… I let go! I let go for my sake and not for anyone else’s sake; like a ton of bricks that I finally given myself the permission to throw away.   Surprisingly, compassion flew in and forgiveness followed.  All there left is the gratefulness of being alive and new awareness that people are really NOT that bad; just given them the space to be who they are and make peace with myself to give myself space to be who I am.  I didn’t quite expect that at all.  My focus was all about realizing how continue carrying these dead weights in my heart really started to bother me; it didn’t serve any purpose for me other than making me more tired; it hurt me more than anything.  I couldn’t stand having them around anymore!  So, I let go!  What a surprise!

Do you know, if you are making more than $30K a year and have a roof over your head, you are no longer surviving?  Do you know over 90% of world population actually make less than $30K U.S. dollars a year?  Do you know that if given a chance, 90% of world population would be willing to switch their life for yours in a heart beat? So what are you still whining about?

To be honest, I didn’t know the above statistics and I whined and woke up everyday dreading the notion of needing to “fight” for my survival another day just like every one of you, until one day a mentor knocked the statistics into my thick skull and woke me up! (Thank god she did that!)

I realized all these time I have been fighting the wrong issue in my life.   I thought I need to do whatever it takes to survive and stay alive, but in fact I have blew past the survival stage long long time ago.  (OK, using the $30K example, I’ll probably say that I past the survival stage 2 years after I got out of school and started working full time).  I realized the problem isn’t whether I’ll survive or not (I already did, I am capable of surviving; it is a well proven fact; proven over and over again everyday), the problem is really the quality of life that I want issue.

It’s amazing that when I re-quantified the problem that I am spending my whole life solving, it gave me a new perspective, a lot of confidence and endless new possibilities.  Whew, the pressure of whether I’ll “survive” financially or not disappeared.  I am beginning to ask myself different questions.  For example:  “hum, so I’m actually already surviving really well, so what kind of quality of life was I really looking for?”  Yeah, I want to live in a mansion, I want to travel around the world,  I want to wear top brand clothing,….  But wait, is my current living that bad now? (Not really, I’m sure 90% of world population would switch their housing situation with me in a heart beat), can I stand traveling all year long and not sleeping in my own bed? (Not really).  Alright those top brand clothing, a few would be nice but actually it would be quite a burden to have to keep up with them just to keep up with the Jones… I see everything that I thought I MUST have for survival is really optional items; some worth my time and money to go after and some really didn’t.  Most importantly, NOTHING is worth pushing me below poverty line over it because they are ALL optional and they have nothing to do with my survival.  Well, I might not live like Paris Hilton or eating fillet migeon every day, hey but I am actually happy and I have many more options than I ever thought I have.  

The truth is that now I can go after what I really want with even more passion because it is no longer about surviving but to stretch myself to reach for my moon.  How cool is that?!

So how about you?  Are you really still surviving?  Maybe it’s time for you to start re-quantify your problem too! It’s amazing that sometimes this is really all it takes to solve a life issue; nothing more.

Lately, I heard many money drama stories around me.  Not that I don’t have my own money drama, but after hearing other’s stories, I realized I have a different drama than many people I knew.  I think I am the lucky few that have been taught since I am very young to never spend more than what I have especially not for those instant gratifying wants and needs that serve very little long term benefits to my well beings.   

My drama is different; I am still learning how to allow myself to splurge a little.  My challenge is giving myself permission to occasionally buying something really nice for myself; I really just can’t see the value of spending the money for them.  Perhaps, the fear of “running out” before I die also has kept me in check.

However, I’m truly glad for out of all the money drama out there, I got stuck with this one J  I have witness the drama of what the other ways leads to.  It is no fun at all; not to mention the potential devastating effect of ruining the future of a family.  Does the instant gratification of getting that top of line car, fancy jewelries, expensive bottle of wines, latest gadget phone, golf clubs,… really worth the price of you and your family’s peace and happiness?  

It is true that money can’t buy happiness.  But for a fact, it would be impossible to lead a happy and peaceful life when there is constant pressure of debt and running out of money.

I have a friend who told me that her husband love her so much that he would only get the best car, the best jewelries, the best purses for her. Yet, I wonder is it really the most loving thing that he can do for her if the price she end up having to pay is worrying about not able to pay essential family bills as result?  I would say the most loving thing a husband can do for a wife is never to put a wife in a situation of needing to worry about meeting monthly financial essentials(not for the sake of instant gratification wants and needs anyway). 

Of course, this goes for a wife to a husband too.  I don’t care how great a justification and reason for needing that latest hip car, neat gadgets and beautiful jewelries, if you truly love someone and love your family, and then you’d better learn to put their financial well being first before your instant gratifying needs.

Do I mean then that you can never enjoy anything good in life anymore?  No, of course not! This is where I feel financial education is so important yet sorely lacking in our education system.  I can never understand why our educational system would teach our kids credit before teaching them financial responsibility and effective financial management first.

For my own drama, I found T. Harv Eker’s book “The secret of the millionaire mind”   quite helpful in giving me some insight and tools on how to manage my money in such a way that I can be free of my fear of running out and give myself some room to enjoy great things in life yet continue to live within my own means.  The book also provides valuable exercises to help those who can’t seem to kick the “kid in the candy store” syndrome.   I think it is a good starting point for those of you who want to start taking control of your own financial life.

Regardless, the resource on this topic is abundant out there.  The question is: are you truly ready to start taking on the driver’s seat in your own financial health and stop letting the 3-year old in you running your day to day finance?  Again, honestly, think about it, if you have to choose, what’s truly the most loving thing you can do for your love one?  Give them financial stability first or give them whatever that caught your eyes now?  So, stop before you run to the store to get another latest and the greatest…,  ask youself this question first:  Is this purchase really worth jeopardizing yours and your love one’s long term happiness and peace over? For smaller items that just end up in the closet, ask yourself: How much are these small items you bought adding up to? a down payment for a car? Is it really worth buying it now?  Will your kids really still love and cherish the items they are dying for 3 days from now? a week from now?  If answer is no,  don’t buy it!! It’s not worth screwing up yor financial health over it.